Weekerrr. Christmas, blah. Odd this year, didn't feel like it, really.

I'd have preferred not to get as much as I did because I just...there's some of it that I intensely dislike and I've had to keep it, put it somewhere and possibly use it in the future. It's like...if you didn't know what to get me, I'd have preferred that you didn't get me more than a card; because I have to fake looking pleased and I don't like lying.

I've spent the last two days in somewhat intense pain too, so I am not a happy bunny. I got a lot of chocolate though, so that thought might sustain me for a while. Not eating it, though...just knowing it's there. And we had people to visit - my aunt and uncle from England - and I was having an introverted spike. Did not want to talk to anyone. It's not anyone else's fault (well, not directly), but my mother was annoyed that I was 'being a bitch'. Really, I'll tell you everything; just not now. Not at Christmas.

Next up! New Year's parties, oh god. Either having one of my mates round (could be awkward), staying in on my own (depression, also a waste of time), or going somewhere with my parents (awkward again).

Although it is Autumn nao, and we're studying gothic horror in English. I wish I knew more people with good taste in books. The teenage reading group at my local library is strictly Y.A. novels...The odd thing is, I've always been discouraged from reading classic lit. George Orwell, JD Salinger, Stephen Chbosky...too scary apparently! I'm expected to stick to Austen and Bronte. Ahaha. What's up with that?

NaNoWriMo in November. I'm getting off school at the end of next week, and nowt much is planned. I'm probably just going to make a ton of muffins.

The phail is the constant anxiety. "Eeeegh!" is the thought going through my mind. I don't have the energy at the moment. So yes, currently I fail at perseverance.

Weekend. Long weekend, bank holiday on Monday. It's been a crappy crappy week, so I'm glad of the extra day. *sad face*

I've had a constant headache for the past week, too! It's annoying, nothing helps and it's leaving me like I've got the stuffing ripped out of me. I'm sleeping a lot more, but I don't feel any more rested, which is a bitch. It's sooooore and I'm in a foul mood. Well, not foul but slightly 'grr'. People at school are being wankers but that's nothing new, is it? I guess not. My mum thought I loved school until recently. My brother's only started liking school, and he's got a day left until he leaves. Yeah, that's right. So...she's upset that we haven't had a good school experience. It's not her fault though. She can't help that other people are bastards. Every year at the end of summer I hope that my year might've matured a little bit, but to be honest I think we're the worst year group this school has seen in a long while.

Don't even know why I'm writing about school on a Saturday. Bored, I guess. I may do some art, or maybe write a bit more. Maybe read...I have to engage my mind or else I'll make myself mad with depressive thoughts.

Winnie caught a mouse today, out in the garden. I'd known she was a mouser, but I'd never seen her with her prey before. I wasn't so horrified as I thought I would've been, but it was difficult seeing that the sweet little 'grumpy pigeon' (don't ask, I don't know!) I know is the same cat that kills for fun. And her little face, it was just so angelic, looking for approval. My dad praised her anyway. He's like that, I guess.

And I'm off school, so what do I do? I go and work =] So I did five hours at PDSA, and it was Hell on earth. Christmas rush and all that, I guess. But there were so many shit people there, it made me cry inside (not really, but I did feel a bit crap after). Um...yeah. 3 days, woo...

I wish I could sleep...dinner's in a short while apparently, so it'll have to wait. Ah well.

*feels all bunged up and fluey*

Nom nom nom I feel like eating something that's warm and pastry-like. Maybe later...

I'm going to see Oppenheimer on Saturday! I can't wait! *pogo*

In other news. Things are less complicated on the friends front, because David openly declared (although not to me) that he wasn't getting me a Christmas present, so it kinda takes the pressure off, I guess.

I got a Christmas card from Joanne, it apparated on my desk in the middle of double Chemistry. Cheered me up =] Srsly, she sits on the other side of the room, so it just was there all of a sudden. Anyways. It was a bit of fun. I'm making chocolate fudge brownies tomorrow in Home Ec, which should be nice...I hope.

Is anyone else going mad with self-doubt? For the past few weeks I've been feeling persistently like I'm just taking up other people's oxygen.