The word for a job is the same as the word for a journey that's a bit manic. I also hate my careers class; the teacher barely knows me, but pretends we're BFFs only to be condescending if anyone starts talking about doing something they like for a living.
I don't know what I want to do when I grow up. I'd like to do medicine, or law, or youth work, or ICT/programming. I don't know which one to choose; I'm not too worried just yet, I've got another year til UCAS start hounding me...

My ICT teacher's also a twerp; initial draft coursework deadline is this Monday - she missed classes, meaning very few people actually know what to do. I've done the bit she asked for, but I can't help others (even though I want to) because a. time pressure and b. I've done everything in a stupidly complex way that works, but only makes sense to me and twerp woman. But the class itself is lovely, and fulfils my RDA of geekiness. I also want to learn HTML & CSS, but we'll see how that goes because I do have three other subjects to do, and 2 committees, and doing mentoring for firsties. Although learning a programming language would maybe help me see if this is just a hobby, or something worth doing a degree with.

And the majority of friends-who-aren't-asshats are all away at uni now. Still, most are coming home for Christmas, not too long to wait. I don't think I'll do Nanowrimo this year though, because I don't really need anything else on. I don't really want to go to bed, either...but I suppose I might as well.

I just...discovered something funny today. I write fanfic. I'm not ashamed of it, and I write often, even in school (but I keep it to the PG stuff in school). My best friend has been very iffy about that. "But...why?" So I educated her. Merlin, Doctor Who...then I realised I wasn't getting through to her. So I switched to Stargate Atlantis, Harry Potter (being *very* careful...) and Discworld. She absolutely loves the respective books/shows, so it's easier to get through to her that way.

Success! She understood, even though I had to be very delicate with slash.
"Can I read some of your Merlin fanfic?"
"Um...no."
"Why not? You're a good writer."
"Because it's Arthur...and- Merlin."
"Oh God, why would you do that?" (I'm not exaggerating, she was that appalled! I don't know why, she knows I ship M/A)
"...you don't watch Merlin. You don't KNOW."

She's morally opposed to slash, (teh gay in general, but anyways) so is strictly het-shipping...takes all the fun out of it. Anyway, I found out today that she got plot bunnies for Discworld, so she's writing in that fandom. I felt like a proud mother :P Not that I inspired her in any way of course, not with my allegiances. I'm pretty sure she won't do anything horrific with Mr Pratchett's behbehs. ...Pretty sure.

Hahah, my best mate is a ficcer now :3

Also, 2 hour English exam today. Ded nao thx, I was writing the whole time. I have a GCSE maths module on Friday mornin', and another 2.5 hour English Lit in the aftynoon. Nothing tomorrow and nothing on Monday. Mindless Self Indulgence on Tuesday night after my French exam, and a Biology practical all day Wednesday. -_-

Although it is Autumn nao, and we're studying gothic horror in English. I wish I knew more people with good taste in books. The teenage reading group at my local library is strictly Y.A. novels...The odd thing is, I've always been discouraged from reading classic lit. George Orwell, JD Salinger, Stephen Chbosky...too scary apparently! I'm expected to stick to Austen and Bronte. Ahaha. What's up with that?

NaNoWriMo in November. I'm getting off school at the end of next week, and nowt much is planned. I'm probably just going to make a ton of muffins.

The phail is the constant anxiety. "Eeeegh!" is the thought going through my mind. I don't have the energy at the moment. So yes, currently I fail at perseverance.

We have a lot of carrots. I like them, but boiling them as a side dish gets a bit boring. It's eight o'clock in the evening, House starts at 9. I could, conceivably, get a recipe, make it and have it in the oven during House...I'll have a look, I rly rly want muffins for some reason. Or a loaf. Carrot cake...nom nom nom.

Art exam today. Gawrsh. I'm glad that's over. I'm proud of the work I did, but..6 hours...gah. I have 6 hours of Physics tomorrow (yay! I love physics)...then that is me for exams. I'll get my results over the nest few weeks then it's SUMMER!

Pff. To the recipe books!

Weekend. Long weekend, bank holiday on Monday. It's been a crappy crappy week, so I'm glad of the extra day. *sad face*

I've had a constant headache for the past week, too! It's annoying, nothing helps and it's leaving me like I've got the stuffing ripped out of me. I'm sleeping a lot more, but I don't feel any more rested, which is a bitch. It's sooooore and I'm in a foul mood. Well, not foul but slightly 'grr'. People at school are being wankers but that's nothing new, is it? I guess not. My mum thought I loved school until recently. My brother's only started liking school, and he's got a day left until he leaves. Yeah, that's right. So...she's upset that we haven't had a good school experience. It's not her fault though. She can't help that other people are bastards. Every year at the end of summer I hope that my year might've matured a little bit, but to be honest I think we're the worst year group this school has seen in a long while.

Don't even know why I'm writing about school on a Saturday. Bored, I guess. I may do some art, or maybe write a bit more. Maybe read...I have to engage my mind or else I'll make myself mad with depressive thoughts.

Winnie caught a mouse today, out in the garden. I'd known she was a mouser, but I'd never seen her with her prey before. I wasn't so horrified as I thought I would've been, but it was difficult seeing that the sweet little 'grumpy pigeon' (don't ask, I don't know!) I know is the same cat that kills for fun. And her little face, it was just so angelic, looking for approval. My dad praised her anyway. He's like that, I guess.

I'm off for Easter holidays now, got out at 12. I'm actually so tired...bah. Two weeks off school; it hasn't really sunk in yet, but it sounds pretty awesome. When we go back, I'll be fifteen, and it'll be the official summer term...scary how it goes in so fast. Today kicked ass, I got given chocolate by my English teacher, I prepared my sculpture for firing in Art, and made everyone crave onion soup in French class. Then school was over.

I'm extremely tired, I didn't want to get up this morning! That's the only coherent thought in my head right now, the rest of it is just "Balalghysdaaaargh! *ded*" But knowing me I'll stay up to some ridiculous hour tonight being self-destructive and "a bit down". =/

Aw well. Went to Emma's house, the others were going into town, but with their BF/GFs, so we felt a bit like loners. Spent the rest of the day making up amusing x-rated lists...

I had an Art exam today, for 5 hours >.< I was working on a piece of clay, I turn my back for a moment, and Mrs Art Teacher Woman has crumpled it up and stuck it in the scraps bag!

I'm told my face was like "!!!!!" And she uncrumpled it and it was all messy, but she made me use it anyway, because it was only a base. Awk well. It doesn't really matter, I guess =3
Torchwood last night =D It was very good, had embarrassment potential but I ended up watching it without my parents, with my dad popping his head round the door occasionally to sing "Gay!" at the tellybox.

Um...oh, the Art exam wasn't all bad though. We had to be silent for the first hour and a half, then the second bit we were allowed mp3 players =3 then the third bit we were allowed to talk, so it wasn't all bad. A friend of mine went out in her lunch break and bought a goldfish from a pet shop...she brought it into the exam room, the poor thing. It's called Pete Burns now, after Mr Dead or Alive. I wonder which one he is now, it was pretty warm in the exam room =[

I want to give Ianto a hug =3

I'm going to see Oppenheimer on Saturday! I can't wait! *pogo*

In other news. Things are less complicated on the friends front, because David openly declared (although not to me) that he wasn't getting me a Christmas present, so it kinda takes the pressure off, I guess.

I got a Christmas card from Joanne, it apparated on my desk in the middle of double Chemistry. Cheered me up =] Srsly, she sits on the other side of the room, so it just was there all of a sudden. Anyways. It was a bit of fun. I'm making chocolate fudge brownies tomorrow in Home Ec, which should be nice...I hope.

Is anyone else going mad with self-doubt? For the past few weeks I've been feeling persistently like I'm just taking up other people's oxygen.